It was lying in the middle of a crosswalk, in front of a taxi that was veering to the side of the road to avoid it, mirroring the shifting crowds of shoppers, twenty crossing every minute, hundreds
crossing every hour, carefully skirting around that spot to as to avoid it on their sunday trip to the shopping district. Its eyes looked past me into the distance, its yellow eyes unblinking, body motionless. It seemed hidden in the field of white bars, accented by the cat’s brown fur and spackles of blood in front of it. It must have been hit by a car, as this was a busy area with cars and scooters moving through the area, looking for passengers, looking for parking.

I could only think of one thing: I must move this cat to the side of the road.

I recalled going home one night along Fuxing N. Road, where I saw an animal strewn across the road. It was not roadkill. Not anymore. It was a scattering of dull, pink, fibrous muscle atop the pavement in the right lane. I could not tell what animal it was, dog or cat or other. Not anymore.

I didn’t want this to happen to the cat, so I walked out to the center of the road and carefully slid my hands underneath its small frame, careful to hold the cat evenly, supporting its head to tail with my two hands. Something in me was worried that it could be dangerous, that I shouldn’t be doing this. The rest of me didn’t care. Its fur was dry, soft, as it would be normally. It lay still in my hands, its body light but with a weight of its own. I walked to the nearby corner and set it down, its white fur breaking the red no parking strip of the curb, where it would be easily seen yet not easily hit again, and I walked away.

I walked west, then north towards the game area to exchange my game disc. I didn’t know what exactly I was doing, a million thoughts running through my head. I think too much. I know this. What else could I have done? Should I have called some sort of animal services? I didn’t know if there was anything similar in Taipei. Should I have found another place to place the body? Maybe a trashcan, but seemed wrong, too cruel to dispose of a cat as such. Maybe some dirt, but that would be near impossible to find near the main train and subway station. Maybe a veterinarian, I could call my own and see what he could do with the body. But what could he really do? How would I even bring the cat? I couldn’t just carry it into a taxi and tell him to drive. Could I have given some sort of last rites for the cat? Shit. I should have. At least something. Shit. I didn’t even close the cat’s eyes, so that it could finally sleep. Shit. I haven’t even checked the cat’s eyes to see if its pupils would dilate, to see if it could be….

…alive? there wasn’t much blood, just specks out on the street – it hadn’t bled out – the fur was dry – the body had not gone cold – it was sunny outside so maybe that’s it but still – i hadn’t checked for a pulse – how could i be so stupid – the body hadn’t gone stiff – why didn’t i check for any of this – i could take it to a vet still – i would need to find a box to keep it level and cover it to take in a cab – should i call my vet – i’m so far – what if it’s still alive – could it be still alive – what should i do

I promised myself I would hurry up and finish my business at the game shop, then run back as fast as possible and examine the cat. If it showed any possible signs of life, I could take it to my vet. Then it would at least have a chance. If not, I did all I could, so be it.

I arrived at the game shop, and told the clerk my problem, that the game disc wouldn’t read, that the Xbox 360 always thought it was a DVD, and so forth. I hoped they would simply exchange the disc and I could be on my way, back to check on the cat. Not so. They took out a 360 to test the disc.

why is it taking so long to check the disc – can’t they just hurry up – what if the cat is dying while i’m dicking around with this fucking game disc – i’m already here it’s only a little bit before i can exchange this – come on just connect the a/v cables already i could do this – no don’t sync the controller you can see the problem if you just put the damn disc in and watch the error come up – god what am i doing here what are my priorities

The small 9″ TV screen brought up a blurry, cramped image of the Xbox 360 dashboard, and I ejected the tray and put in the disc quickly as I had grown impatient waiting for the wireless controller to sync. A game screen appeared, then a message saying “put this in an Xbox 360″. Finally. The shop worker tried loading the disc again.

come on can’t you see it isn’t working – just hurry up dammit – why don’t they just get it

The next time, a full read error message appears on the screen, and a co-worker tells him to simply change out the disc. He grabs a game off the shelf, opens the package, and puts it in to make sure it works. I go through the start screens and it works fine. I grab the replacement and run out of the shop.

It’s hot outside and I’m sweating, my face becoming slick as I run down the street in bursts. I want to wipe my face, but I’ve recently touched a dead cat. Not dead. I don’t know yet. I have to check.

I return to the crosswalk, but the cat was gone.

where did it go – what happened – who was here – i’ve only been gone fifteen to twenty minutes – did somebody take it – did somebody take it to a vet – does it look like anybody here saw what happened or who moved the cat

The curb had a tiny amount of blood where the cat used to be.

it was bleeding a little – it hasn’t bled out yet – maybe it’s still alive – who moved it – where could it be – did somebody dispose of it – there’s a nice hotel right here – maybe they moved it – maybe it looked bad with a dead cat near the entrance – it’s not that close – what if someone disposed of it in a trash can

I spent the next ten minutes peering into nearby alleys, streets, trash cans. No sign. I’m to go watch a movie with friends in half an hour and I’m late, and there’s nothing left I can do. I already missed my chance. I already made my mistake – why did I go ahead with the exchange when I could have done it some other time? Was I so wrong? What am I doing?

After the movie, I talked it over with a friend, and came to the conclusion that someone most likely had taken it to a veterinarian because the cat was gone, and it was daytime. In Taipei, nobody will touch or move an animal that has been hit on the street unless it is someone who will take the animal to a nearby hospital for help – it will lie there indefinitely. The only people who would otherwise dare or care to move it would be street cleaners. I thought back to the previous incident of the unidentifiable animal littered across the road. I was consoled by this fact some, but the empty hole of possibilities remained, and I didn’t actually know where the cat had gone to, who had moved it. Maybe I’ll find out someday. Maybe I never will.

Taipei Competition 3

The Sword into Tomorrow
This is also known as Tomorrow Step on the Sword in the full program guide, which is fantastic Engrish right off the bat. Basically, this is a very detailed, very well lit and polished 3D CG short about a tubby, smily ninja guy who wants to steal a scroll from some tomb, and has to fight a skeleton demon. The action is great as are the effects, but the whole film comes off as kind of dull as it has no real story to it. Well, okay, it has a story, but it’s so forgettable that it does nothing to support the rest of the work done on the piece and leaves it flaccid.

mommo
I liked this a lot – it’s about a boy who tries to help a rabbit fly across a chasm to get to a field of carrots. A lot of why I liked this is the fact that while it uses a paper-cutout/handicraft appearance to the animation, it still manages to be humorously bloody with its comedy. In other words, the appearance and feel lends itself to kids animation, but the content isn’t. Awesome.

The City of Oblivion
The first artsy piece of the show, it’s about an umbrella thrown away by a girl who has purchased a new one, and its nighmarish descent into awkward parallax animation and a world of discarded object creatures that work hand in hand with the loud music to give you a feeling of uncertainty and unease. It’s interesting, but I wouldn’t watch this before going to bed – you’ll dream some bizarre shit. Oh yeah, it’s supposed to be an environmental message too, so stop throwing away creepy umbrellas with buckets for heads, ok?

On a Diet
This was a hand drawn animation that was both detailed and stylized in a fat sort of way about the different things people do to lose weight and what they do when they diet. Short, focused, not bad. Kinda Plympton-y in some ways.

The Woman with Pearls
ARTSY FARTSY GET! This was a surreal piece about a woman who continuously splits pearls from her body, and the bird creatures that covet her pearls and stalk her as a result. This was a long piece, and was (from the following interview) intended to symbolize women’s fear of growing old. I would suggest knowing this before watching it, as you’ll get more out of it this way and you’ll be less creeped out by it.

Secret Piano
Another piece from Word Fisher Animation Studios (like the 2 in the last show), this one is about a boy who loves to play on his toy piano. His mother notices this, and buys a real piano for him, but there’s something about it that scares him. I liked this one a lot as it had a memorable story, sound that worked to enhance the story, and the animation style is both cute and expressive at the same time.

Grandpa & Bicycle
I saw this one previously in the animation segment of the Taipei Film Festival earlier, and it still retains its badassness – it’s simply a cute story about a Grandpa who goes apeshit on a bike trying to deliver his granddaughter’s forgotten wallet to her. The animation style is like cut out pieces of paper layered on top of one another, and it’s very well done. One thing I liked is that during the interview, the director said that his goal for the film was simply to tell a story. He’s done that, and I’d recommend looking for this short.

Childish Love
Though this film was kind of rough in terms of animation and general appearance, not to mention the fact that the kid’s face looks MESSED UP, it’s very good in delivering its message about domestic abuse, which is a problem in Taiwan right now to boot.

2007 The Auntie Tiger
This is an animated interpretation of a Chinese folk story called “Tiger Aunt”, which apparently goes like this: “There is a tiger aunt that visits children from time to time, and when the children go to sleep, she eats their fingers.” Kinda like a Candyman story for kids or something. Well, this animation shows a girl baiting and then savagely beating Auntie Tiger, mercilessly, enough to make you feel sorry for Auntie Tiger. I think this is pretty much like if you become vegetarian, then somebody waves a perfectly done filet in your face then beats you about the face and neck with a Datsun. Well animated, but kind of messed up.

Reminiscence
Another long, kind of artsy piece. The character’s faces are kind of rough, and the animation is a bit rough as well, but everything seems put together reasonably well. This is one of those “coming to terms with the death of {important person}” shorts. A bit long, but I’d say it was good.

Beaver
This is a short short about shaving…..HEY! NO! NO! BAD READER! BAD! How could you think of something like that! Look, so it’s named “Beaver” for some Engrish reason, but it has NOTHING TO DO WITH THAT! JEEZUS! Look, it’s about a guy whose facial hair keeps growing and he…hey, are you even listening? WTF? HELLO, MCFLY! Ok, it’s about his repeated efforts to shave his ever growing face, and it has a nice 70’s sparkle-fresh design to it, it looks like it’s too smooth, and it’s kind of short and a bit forgettable aside from the graphic design. Did you get that? Good.

Black Scissors
This one was pretty awesome, though I take issue with some of implied meaning of the short, in terms of “well, why the hell’d he do that?!”. Basically, a boy discovers a film reel that shows the events of his recent life in it, and a pair of scissors. Whenever he cuts a frame from the reel, that event becomes erased from history – it never happened. The look of the film is quite good, and the story’s put together pretty well – I like the concept, and I’d suggest looking for it.

Nian
Imagine taking a cel-shaded animation, and then thickening the lines by about 5-50 times and then giving everything a watercolor appearance, which also means that you remove almost all disernable detail from a shape. I know this was done to make the animation look like old Chinese watercolor paintings, but it’s kind of overdone. Also, the frame rate is too high, making the animation too smooth(looks “computery”), and doesn’t jive with the feel of the film. It’s okay in a cultural-neat sort of way though.

That’s all for now! I’ll post more later, including stuff on the Q&A session that followed this show.

Coming home on my scooter after watching an opposite-of-upbeat set of animations collectively titled “Abused“, I found that I was not able to take the usual roads home as a policeman was diverting eastbound traffic on Hankou St. to the north. There’s a lot of cops around and some military uniforms, so I get a little nervous and figure there might be something going down in the area. I get closer to Taipei main station, and am then stopped to let some vehicles go by. Military vehicles. Lots of them. Like over 12 or so.

It turns out (and I figured it out) that this is part of the rehearsal for Taiwan’s National Day celebrations, also known as Double-Ten Day due to its being on October 10th (10/10). According to the great and powerful Wikipedia, this day marks the beginning of the Wuchang Uprising, which led to the fall of the Qing Dynasty(China’s last Imperial dynasty) and the eventual creation of the Republic of China, which most of us simply know as Taiwan nowadays.

The military show is being criticized a bit due to the fact that military parades on Double-Ten stopped after the end of martial law. This year, the motivation for having a show again seems to be both internationally and domestically political – it’s to show the world that Taiwan is a country, and ready to defend itself if China loses its shit and goes nuts. It’s also to garner votes by showing the Taiwanese people that the politicians are doing their thing to promote Taiwan to the world. For me, it’s kind of like something they don’t really need to do, but it’s neat nonetheless, and Taiwan really needs to communicate itself to the world in ways other than through offbeat news about a man who got his scrotum stuck in a buckle, random fist fights, and food fights in the legislature.

Taipei Competition 2

The Ringmaster
This is the first of several films by Word Fisher Animation Studios, which is mainly a guy named Wenchung Lu. This one was pretty cool, though a bit long, and the audio was kinda distorted. It was also kind of dark at the beginning, and there is a scene where the boy hangs himself from a tree. At this time, they put a large message up on the left side of the screen, which I’m guessing meant “Don’t do this at home”, probably because Taiwan’s already had problems with people committing suicide, particularly in a copycat fashion to news events. Nothing says “THIS FESTIVAL IS AWESOME” like opening with a little-boy-suicide scene. It gets happier later I think.

The Whistle Stops
This is the first Taiwanese Taiwanesey film, which gets into stuff with symbolism and indirect hatred of the Japanese. I only say this because it clearly focuses around a retro toy robot that is both a toy from a now dead father, a troop stomping death machine, and a empathetic automaton all in the film. Also, because during the Q&A, the director wanted to focus on the fact that it was the Japanese that started this shit way back when. Kinda long for me, but it was pretty high quality and the train scenes were very Taiwanesey feelin’.

P Lee Frog
What happens when you take Crazy Frog and have him(well, I’m pretty sure Crazy Frog’s a him, with his nubbin’ ‘n all) in 4th wall breaking scenarios between film strip frames, much like the Chuck Jones classic Duck Amuck? I wouldn’t know, since what I saw was a blatant ripoff of Crazy Frog doing generally uninspired “antics” between movie frames for barely a minute. Shiny crap, basically. The filmmaker is apparently an industry veteran of 8ish years working on commercial stuff, which may explain why this will appeal to two groups of people: A) corporate people, and B) people who can’t tell this is in fact, not Crazy Frog, and paw at shiny objects.

Claw Tropolis
This was the first film I was actually impressed by, mainly due to the design of the “claw bus” in the film. It has a distinctive look and has good character design and story flow. Also, it’s about a guy who does bad things to good people because he got cheated out of going to an event he’d been waiting for – something we can all relate to.

The Shoes
This was the second film from that Word Fisher group. You know that it must be a good film if it opens with 8 or 9 different “IT WON AN AWARD” and “IT OPENED SOME FILM FESTIVAL” statements, all with pretentious wings by the statement to let you know that it’s super-film-festival-ly. And yet, the film was something like twice as long as the “OMG AWARDZ EVRYWR!”. Good, short, predictable.

Popa Family
If you could vote a film for failed potential, this would be it. I say this mainly because it has parts that come AMAZINGLY CLOSE to shoving it into a Sick & Twisted show, but ends up being super kid friendly in a drooling toddler approved sort of way. This section was super long because it was three shorts, all of which followed an episode formula of crisis, let’s see what the asshole daughter does and laugh at her cruelty, and then let’s have the wise father come up with an idea and save the day.

Joke Series
I doubt this will be a prize winner, but it was really good nonetheless. All it was was 3 jokes (kinda like “a guy walks into a bar” jokes) with animations to illustrate/explain the joke. The second one, which was about an oversexed rooster, was chock full of awesome.

The Mosquito Effect
Apparently, this was based on “The Butterfly Effect” of chaos theory, which states that “it is possible through a chain of events for a butterfly flapping its wings to cause a typhoon across the world”. In this one, they say they examine “how one mosquito can change the fate of a man”. What you get is something more akin to reading a Choose Your Own Adventure book with two fingers to hold your place so you can try a different path later. Note that this has less to do with chaos theory and more to do with what ifs. Okay film, but the “Mosquito Effect” copycatting of the “Butterfly Effect” gives it +15 to Pretentiousness and a -10% To Hit Credibility.

It’s also notable that this, like The Whistle Stops, seems to use character models that seem like they’re pulled out of Poser or some other “stock human” 3D model pack. They look good, but it looks like a higher quality version of what the news programs use to make a “re-enactment” scene of a murder, gangland killing, rape, etc. I must say though, that this film did a REALLY good job of recreating a Taipei apartment and street, from the windows to the Taiwan Beer can a drunk is holding.

Cutting
Super short, super cool. Blends real-life video with realistic computer animation that’s hard to detect at first, so it looks really nifty and artsy.

Movement and Stillness
Meh. Didn’t care much for this one, which shows a still room with a piece of paper that comes to life with fishes ‘n shit. Looks like a student demo reel, what with all the wireframe fishes in an animation building layers to a fully textures and lit fish doing said animation.

Love Plug Love
Male plug tries to hook up with female outlet. Antics ensue. Short, funny.

13months
I loved this one and wouldn’t mind seeing it again – it’s an animation going through the animals of the Chinese Zodiac, but it uses a very expressive animation style that looks like a cross between watercolors and particles(like sand). It reminds me of the fucking amazing animation The Bead Game, which is a product of Canada’s Film Board. Not as expansive or badass as The Bead Game, but similar in animation style and flow that are both playful and mesmerizing, one form evolving into another while never losing the viewer’s attention, interest, or understanding. You can’t help but be fascinated by experimental animation like this.

I got a 10 ticket superpack for 1600NT, which comes out to a little less than $5 a show, each ticket redeemable for any show(except invite only…harumph) in the Festival. Apparently it came with 3 little mini-tickets redeemable for other stuff.

One was for a discount on the catalog-sized program guide, making it $6. Full color, good paper, nice stuff, and it came with a complimentary copy of last year’s guide, which was sold out when I tried to buy it. It’s nicer than the freebie small program guide, though that one is amazingly nice for a freebie.

Another ticket was for a free coffee mug with the festival logo or something on it, but it hadn’t arrived yet, so they gave me a piece of paper with secret instructions to go to a website and redeem my mug of the future for whenever it comes out.

The last ticket, which surprised the hell out of me, was for a ginormous Collector’s Edition copy of World of Warcraft which weighs more than two kilograms. It’s big enough to kill babies with a glance, or at least intimidate the really tough ones. Blizzard’s a part of this year’s festival, and one of the shows is a reel of their CG movies from Diablo II and Starcraft up through Starcraft 2. Because of this, it kinda makes sense that they’re trying to whore out WoW to patrons to get them hooked if they weren’t already. That, and they know how to find the right audience for their games.

They also had a giant inflatable orc from WoW at the cineplex, which they seem to give out to some of the net cafes here. Kinda fug fug.

But wait – Dyson doesn’t actually mention anything about “powerful twin air jets blasting water off of your hands”. Maybe that’s because that came from Mitsubishi’s home page for their Jet Towel hand dryer, which does the exact same thing and came out 7 months ago. (Gizmodo link for that product, also 7 months ago) In fact, I’ve already seen a bunch of them in use around Taiwan in places from restaurants to malls to theme parks. They work the same – you put your hands into the “pit” and slowly pull them out as the air jets push the water off.

Well, why don’t we compare the two?

In fact, the main thing that differentiates Dyson’s product from the pre-existing one from Mitsubishi is the press release.

Mitsubishi’s release runs 415 words through 8 paragraphs, including 67 words which are used for listing the unit specifications and information on a show it was to be debuted at. The article focuses on product benefits (speed, energy savings, potential cost savings) and describing how the product works. It aims to show how their product offers benefits over current methods. Here’s an excerpt:

Ideal for offices, restaurants, retail stores and hotels, a drying process up to eight times faster than conventional air hand dryers results in a remarkable drying time of 5 seconds (versus up to 40 seconds for competitive products). Laboratories, factories and food processing facilities can benefit from increases in productivity and hygiene while reducing washroom maintenance and waste management services.

Dyson’s release, weighing in at 500 words exactly and 16 paragraphs seems to lean towards scare-mongering and buzzwords. It follows the good ‘ol marketing idea of trying to convince the audience that the current product or method is obsolete or unfashionable then making their own product appear to be the only suitable (or humane) solution. Take this tasty excerpt:

Hygiene: Electric hand dryers use 60 year old technology that relies on evaporation to dry hands. Washroom air, which contains fecal germs and is laden with bacteria, is heated and blown onto people’s shoes, clothes and… freshly washed hands.

Oh crap! You mean I might be blowing hot pooticules onto my hands?! I’ll never use conventional hand dryers again even though I know that I’m already breathing these same fecal germs which is far worse than touching them!

Ironically, Dyson uses a quote from the Royal Institute for Public Health, which these “conventional” hand dryers to be as safe as paper towels in response to a Westminster report condemning hand dryers. The Westminster report was criticized for not considering the fact that while the air blown out of the unit was 50C and not enough to kill germs, they did not mention the fact that the air must first pass through a 90C heating element, which is enough to kill germs. (article here) So heated pooticules are safe, who knew? Dyson’s unit uses a HEPA filter for the air intake, which is also a signal to me that the unit will need replacement of expensive disposable filters at least once or twice a year. Joy!

So, the above quote could also be spun as follows:

Washroom air, which contains fecal germs and is laden with bacteria, is sterilized and blown onto people’s shoes, clothes and… freshly washed hands.

But wait, there’s more!

People rub their hands together to speed up the lengthy drying process but research proves that this actually draws bacteria from deeper skin layers and fingernails.

Damp hands are 1,000 times more likely to cross contaminate than dry hands.

Conventional hand dryers consume a lot of energy and take an eternity to dry hands – if you bother to wait.

OH MY GOD! DON’T RUB YOUR HANDS TOGETHER IF THEY’RE WET! ARE YOUR HANDS DAMP? ARE THEY?! DON’T TOUCH ME YOU DAMN DIRTY APE!

Ugh. Marketing tactics aside, I should re-mention the fact that Mitsubishi’s product came out 7 months ago and has already popped up in a bunch of places in at least Japan and Taiwan to my knowledge. The major differences seem to be the HEPA filter for the air intake (big whoop), a system to sterilize and vaporize blown off water (whereas the Jet Towel uses a drainage tank), and the Dyson is more built for withstanding abuse. Other than that, there’s the appearance: Mitsubishi has a clean, white, clinical appearance while Dyson’s looks more like a rounded blob, or something that would act as a giant pair of handcuffs should it clamp shut. From these differences, I can only see the abuse-resistant design as something that really matters. The HEPA filter seems like a joke/replacement catridge scheme and carefully sterilizing and vaporizing the waste water doesn’t seem necessary considering that the water from your just washed hands should be clean to begin with.

As for my experiences with the Jet Towel so far, they’re pretty nice. They won’t get your hands BONE DRY though unless you make another pass. I also found some disadvantages over the classic World Dryer button smacker; if your hands are cold, you can’t warm them up with the dryer. For that matter, you can’t use the dryer as an impromptu heater during the winter either. The “conventional” hand dryer is also useful as a quickie clothes dryer(like if your shirt is wet from being stuck in the rain), something you just can’t do with the Jet Towel. I haven’t seen the Xlerator hand dryer before though, and I’m curious to know how that is. I do know that it’s another super air speed dryer, but this still uses a nozzle and a heating element, and doesn’t look fug like the Dyson. I mention this because this thing sounds like the ultimate instant clothes dryer/T-shirt inflator to me.

If you REALLY want future, how about a gadget that rinses your hands, puts soap on your hands, rinses them again, then dries them? It exists, and I saw it at a Missouri rest stop more than 3 years ago. Yes, the rest stop that had “Dog Sex #1″ carved on a toilet seat.

THIS is the goddamn future, and it’s in a Missouri rest stop bathroom. Who knew?

Duck Fadar is what you get if George Lucas made out with a wildlife preserve during a 4th of July fireworks celebration, except this has a much lower chance of traumatizing your kids. A floating rubber ducky with beak-fitted breathing apparatus, Duck Fadar also has an internal multicolor LED that cycles through different colors when put in the bathtub(perhaps he swallowed a lightsaber that was stuck on “demo” mode). Nothing helps one relax in the tub more than ambient cycling of primary colors radiated by homicidal waterfowl with parenting issues. Showing his true dark ambitions, Duck Fadar has nonreplaceable batteries, forcing you to add another drake from the dark side to your growing disposable army after 45 hours of discophibious service.

Unfortunately, Duck Fadar lacks a sound module to give you authentic heavy breathing action, so enter the I Rub My Duckie. To your friends and neighbors, it appears to be an ordinary rubber duckie. However, you know that it’s a an epileptic anatidae of ease adrift in your abode. A soothing, swimming samaritan suffering some seizures. Dare I oversimplify and label it a “mighty mallard masseuse”? Two-fisted AA action supplies 3 volts of pampering, pulsating power to this ducky dynamo, which jitters into action with a backrub “click”. A travel version is available for long lonely journeys where you need a companion, as well as an ebony version, so all your envious friends can exclaim “I love your big black duck!”. Look for one slipping into a quack near you.

Full pictures and details after the jump.

I found out about the launch event through random news browsing on the net – the only problem was that I went to the wrong place first (the article said in front of KMall, exactly where it wasn’t). A person at the Microsoft store there showed me a flyer about the event, which apparently started at about 7:00PM, and it was already 8:30PM. Oops.

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