rubber ducky, you’re the one
Duck Fadar is what you get if George Lucas made out with a wildlife preserve during a 4th of July fireworks celebration, except this has a much lower chance of traumatizing your kids. A floating rubber ducky with beak-fitted breathing apparatus, Duck Fadar also has an internal multicolor LED that cycles through different colors when put in the bathtub(perhaps he swallowed a lightsaber that was stuck on “demo” mode). Nothing helps one relax in the tub more than ambient cycling of primary colors radiated by homicidal waterfowl with parenting issues. Showing his true dark ambitions, Duck Fadar has nonreplaceable batteries, forcing you to add another drake from the dark side to your growing disposable army after 45 hours of discophibious service.
Unfortunately, Duck Fadar lacks a sound module to give you authentic heavy breathing action, so enter the I Rub My Duckie. To your friends and neighbors, it appears to be an ordinary rubber duckie. However, you know that it’s a an epileptic anatidae of ease adrift in your abode. A soothing, swimming samaritan suffering some seizures. Dare I oversimplify and label it a “mighty mallard masseuse”? Two-fisted AA action supplies 3 volts of pampering, pulsating power to this ducky dynamo, which jitters into action with a backrub “click”. A travel version is available for long lonely journeys where you need a companion, as well as an ebony version, so all your envious friends can exclaim “I love your big black duck!”. Look for one slipping into a quack near you.
