The Filene’s Basement Bridal Basement Sale:
One Man’s Tale of Survival
Also known as the “Running of the Brides,” the event is usually held during the 3rd week of February, the Boston location being the most famous. The premise is simple: doors open at 8am, try on as many dresses as you can, and hopefully walk out with the bridal gown of your dreams at a fraction of the original price. If you’ve heard rumors of the craziness, the ridiculo of it all, you’re right: The Boston Filene Bridal Sale is not for the meek, and for all of the guys out there who’s in danger to getting dragged to such an event, it will test your manhood to the extreme. I should know: I was there in 2000, and like the idiot that shot the albatross in Rhyme of the Ancient Mariner, I am doomed to retell my tale. Reader beware.
Backstory
At the time, one of my co-workers was getting married in the summer, so she and a couple of her lady friends (another co-worker and her daughter) had booked a hotel room the night before, so that they could get in line early the next morning. They recruited Grog to go as well, to protect the gowns while the women tried on stuff. A great plan, except Grog had a bad head cold and shouldn’t have even been at work. It was toward the end of the workday and I had some work stuff to talk with Grog when I ran into The Group. The stupid grins should have been a major tip off. The girls told me their situation and asked if I could go in Grog’s place, leaving right at that moment. At the time, I thought the offer was so random, for an event that I knew nothing about, how could I say no? There were a number of small incentives too: free trip to Boston, free place to stay, free dinner. And imagine the video footage I could get…
The Plan
After a 2.5 hour drive from work, we arrived at the hotel in Boston, which was conveniantly a couple of blocks away from Filene’s Basement. Once we got to the hotel room, we dumped our stuff and left for dinner. Over a plate of yummy chicken fajitas, the girls worked out a plan for tomorrow. They had it all worked out: get in line at 6am. Once the doors open at 8am, run to the nearest clothing rack, grab as many gowns as you can carry, regroup and guard the dresses. Take no prisoners. Yeah, I was sitting with an estrogen-fueled A-Team.
Pre-Opening
Woke up at 5.30am. Got in line by 6. There were already four people ahead of us. As it got closer to 8, more people showed up until the area was packed. I somehow ended up further back in the line, but this gave me a better view of the crowd. I could count the number of men in attendance on my fingers: a couple of hangdog-faced dads and a fiance or two (isn’t it against tradition to see the bride before the wedding?). People were getting testier, too; about ten minutes before the doors opened, there was a huge yelling match between a big black woman and small white girl. Apparently, a 70-year-old grandmother in the front was getting crushed and the white girl was trying to give the older woman some space. Obviously, the black woman didn’t know, so a big yelling match ensued, the crowd told them to shut up, it got silent, and the two would-be combantants made up. Two minutes to go: a lot more pushing from the back. A Filene employee reminded everyone to stop pushing forward. I reminded myself to stick to the plan. The doors finally opened.
These Dresses Were Made to Walk All Over Me.
It wasn’t a full-out sprint as I had imagined, but a cross between fast walking and jogging. The store layout was like looking at a twisted midwest farm: rows upon rows of white wedding gowns, all ripe for the taking. Stick to the plan. Couple of things about wedding gowns: they’re long, bulky–especially with the thick plastic sheath protecting them–and after grabbing a couple of gowns, pretty heavy. Once I had about five gowns, I chucked them over one shoulder and grabbed some more with my free arm. OK, I had about nine dresses. Gotta find the others. It was difficult to walk with all the dresses and hard to see, a good thing since I caught a couple of eye-buggin’ looks. One of the gawkers, an old asian dad, pointed at me and joked, “Aiyaah! Are all those for you?”
“Only if you watch,” I replied and winked. He never bugged me after that.
Let’s Make a Deal
It took me a couple of minutes to find the others, but once I had regrouped with the others, I dumped the dresses onto a nearby counter and the A-Team went to work: the bride-to-be tried on dresses while the mother-daughter duo haggled with other women. Two realizations:
- The more dresses you had, the more leverage you had when bartering for the dress size you needed.
- There were no fitting rooms.
My co-worker was prepared for the event and wore a dancing leotard, but other women…
Unlike today’s scripted reality TV series, this was as real as it gets: tall, short, large, and small figured women dropping trou, jumping into one dress after another like contestants from a Japanese game show. It was awkward to say the least, not at a Freaks and Geeks level, but pretty damn close. It’s no wonder why security had me shut off my video camera when I took footage of the A-Team at work. It’s amusing though that shortly after security had approached me, two college girls with a prosumer camera asked the security guy for an interview. Although the camera was pointed towards the security guy, I noticed the focus ring was set to infinity. Female Pros: 1, Male n00b: 0.
Other observations/high-points/low-points:
- Catching fiances perving on the other women and calling them out in front of everyone. In any other situation, this would have been a guaranteed beatdown.
- Trios of girlfriends who wore tons of makeup and pranced around the store, holding gowns other women wanted but ended up throwing on the floor.
- Watching my co-worker dive over our pile of gowns and slap a would-be thief’s hand. The suspect predictably acted as if she didn’t know, but I saw her watch my co-worker until she was looking away. So why didn’t I stop her? If a beatdown’s a comin’, just get out of the way and watch it unfold. Almost better was afterwards, when my co-worker, still laying on top of her white-laced treasure, looked around and said, “Sorry… I’m from New York…” Classic.
Post-Trauma
By 10am, the crowd had thinned out to a couple dozen people. The rest of the store had already opened, so it was great to see the expressions of customers who had unsuspectedly walked through the bridal sale area. The place looked like it was looted: wedding gowns half-hanging on clothing racks and on the floor, many of which were blemished with various shoe prints, tears, and makeup.
10.15am. The A-Team finally called it a day; two beautiful dresses, one of which was used in the wedding. So why all of the craziness? Two dresses, with a total retail value in the ~$3000, costed her USD$99 each. Sheeeyit. I should have bought two dresses for myself and E-Bay’d them.
Anyhoo, if my sorry tale did not make you think twice about the “Running of the Brides,” here are a couple of pointers for the ladies:
- Bring a couple of your friends along, to help get and protect the dresses, and barter with other folks. Leave the fiance home; they are of little help and will end up perving at the other ladies.
- Get to the store early.
- Brides should wear a leotard or swimsuit if they want to maintain some decency and don’t want to worry about reserving a fitting room.
- Brides should also leave the makeup at home. It will get on the gowns and make them more difficult to barter. The makeup will also invaribly smear and make you look like a clown.
And a word of advice for the guys:
- Stay at home, unless you think you’ve got the testosteronal moxy to handle a bridal sale, or are a clueless idiot like I was.
If you still need further proof of the craziness, check out the clip below:
- Bridal Sale - Atlanta (linked from here. 6.4MB)
As I described/hinted at earlier, there are a couple of major differences between the Atlanta and Boston events:
- Running into the store screaming? Screaming are for poseurs: all you heard at the Boston event was a stampede and a lot of grabbing. Screaming came afterwards, when women bartered and fought over dresses.
- Fitting rooms? Please.
UPDATE: The word is that Filene’s in Boston has been bought out by Macy’s and will be closing its doors after this weekend. So get your bargin-hunting self over there.
UPDATE (2.24.2006): Clarification to the previous update: Filene’s is closing, but Filene’s Basement is staying. Sorry for the confusion.
