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Just when you thought that Christmas songs in department stores were irritating, check out these Chinese New Year’s songs – all in perfect English, but extremely odd. I recorded from a hokey departmenty store near my apartment on my Zen Micro, so don’t complain about the quality.

The New Year’s Almost Here!
The meaning of Chinese New Year’s is to go shopping until you are physically in pain. Also, if you’re a guy, you have to go get a perm.

May All Your Businesses Prosper and Improve
My “favorite” of the bunch, this is a song about wishing good tidings for the new year. These tidings in question seem to be about keeping your cash flow open like a goatse.

Oh We’re Going to See Our Parents
My mom would love this song. Better give your parents some R.E.S.P.E.C.T., as this song reminds you some 4000492 times.

Live Each Day Like New Year’s Day
Not really brainwashy like the others, it’s just plain tacky, like a fuschia Ford Probe. I know what I’m talking about- one of my friends used to have one. It’s fucking tacky.

EDIT: Noticed from a Boing Boing post that the holiday should be Lunar New Year instead of Chinese New Year – sorry ’bout that. However, the songs seem refer to the Chinese way of celebrating it (well, we do the same stuff here in Taiwan too), with one of the songs I couldn’t record talking about playing Mahjong. Hence, the post title; please don’t take offense. If you still do take offense, shove off.

FYI, I think the songs came from Hong Kong due to the “Gong Xi Fa Choy” in “Oh We’re Going To See Our Parents” – sounds like Cantonese to me.