Competitive eating is one of those phenomenons that elicits equal parts wonder and digust. I’ve thought about entering a pie-eating contest at a local state fair or something of that ilk, but being a slow eater and not having the skills needed to compete against the likes of Takeru Kobayashi, Sonya Thomas, or Crazy Legs Conti, I thought of tackling something on a smaller scale and without a time limit. I’d also like to keep my food moving in one direction, if you get my meaning. There’ s a Ben & Jerry’s ice cream shop in my area, so I thought it would be cool to take on the Vermonster, a hideous beast of a dessert.
From the sign posted in the shop, the Vermonster is:
- 20 scoops of ice cream (4.5 pounds)
- 10 scoops of chopped walnuts
- 5 scoops of fresh whipped cream
- 4 scoops of hot fudge
- 5 chocolate chip cookies
- 2 scoops of M&M’s
- 2 scoops of Reeses
- 2 scoops of chocolate jimmies
- 1 giant homemade brownie
Ben & Jerry’s supposidly offers the Vermonster for free if you can finish it singlehandedly. I have heard of only one person who had ever finished a Vermonster; his picture hangs in the Boston, Newbury street shop. I had aspirations of becoming that second person to have finished a Vermonster, but thought that I should first assemble a four-to-six-person team and see how I do. One of my better ideas.
After a couple months of semi-careful planning, I put together a 5-person crew: myself, Tibbs, Yanger, Mark, and MB. We chose this past Sunday to take on the Vermonster, an unusually sunny and relatively warm (mid 50s) New England day. Most of the team had ate breakfast but opted to have a very light lunch or to skip it altogether. We met at Ben & Jerry’s at 4.30pm and got down to business.
“Fear is the Mind Killerâ€
When we ordered the Vermonster, the shop worker had us write down the following: 
- list of up to 10 ice cream and sorbet flavors
- anything from the Vermonster we didn’t want
- any known allergies
We found the last part amusing, so we listed “pollen†and “poison.†We thought it wouldn’t be right if we removed stuff from the Vermonster, so we left the second part blank. On the other hand, J-Nass was present to cheer us on, and being this was the last week J-Nass would be in New England, we listed two sorbets along with our other choices for he and his girlfriend. So technically we had seven people. We handed our list to the shop worker and waited (I forgot where I put our list of flavors ordered, so see the comments section for it).
It was sorta big.
It looked like what an eight-year-old would do: grab the biggest big bowl in the kitchen and pour in all of your favorite cereals and candies. We grabbed bowls, spoons, and cups of water. We scooped the sorbet for J-Nass and friend and went to work on the Vermonster.
A couple notes:
- our flavor list was heavily chocolate-themed.
- M&M’s take a bitch-ass long time to eat, unless you like swallowing them whole.
- the cookies were really sugary.
- the brownie was brutal; it was a freakin’ culinary brick.
- bananas are your friend
We took a four-minute break halfway through the challenge, drinking water and walking around a bit. Mark, in particular, was relentless: I think if the rest of us had focused on the sides and toppings, he could have eaten all twenty scoops. For real. The Vermonster was more like a shake towards the end and by me taking one last swig from the bowl –about forty minutes from when we took our first spoonfuls– it was done.
The Vermonster wasn’t great culinary-wise, but it was definitely a challenge. The team wants to try the Vermonster Challenge next time with just a three-man group. We’ll see.
